How can God be so generous and forgiving while I just have such a hard time doing that?

Dear Samantha,

God is just being God in being generous and forgiving. In this story, Israel has been acting like an unfaithful wife, still not returning to her rightful husband, God. In this situation, a human being would just end the relationship right there, and find someone new.

God isn't any human being though. He is God! He says,

"How can I give you up, Ephraim?How can I hand you over, Israel? How can I treat you like Admah? How can I make you like Zeboyim? My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused. 9 I will not carry out my fierce anger,nor will I devastate Ephraim again.For I am God, and not a man—the Holy One among you.I will not come against their cities. " Hosea 11:8-9

Please don't beat yourself up if you are not able to forgive like others. Sometimes we grew up not seeing how to forgive in our families. Sometimes we grew up with certain core beliefs about how things "should" be as opposed to how they are. This friction between expectation and reality can be what causes anger or resentment. This is specially true if someone we care about or someone we expect much form is the cause.

For example, you believe that your boyfriend, as your special person, should give you a birthday cake. Your boyfriend meets you on your birthday with no cake even if you asked for it. He broke your expectation or rule, so there is anger. But what if you, just last week, forgot the birthday cake for your best friend, and she was very sad but forgave you anyway and went to get pizza instead? This experience will help you relate to your boyfriend's position on this day, and maybe you would forgive him more easily. What if it was your co-worker that came without a cake? You wouldn't really care because you aren't harboring great expectations on how romantic your co-worker should be for you. What if your boyfriend doesn't have much money, and you can see from his perspective that there is no way that he could afford a cake? You wouldn't even expect him to get you one then.

In all these examples, there is one thing that God uses to help us forgive. That is compassion. Compassion is seeing yourself in someone's shoes. It is seeing the situation from their set of rules and feeling how they feel. If I were a boyfriend and I came without a cake after my girlfriend asked for one because I couldn't afford it, I would be so embarrassed. I would feel like a terrible boyfriend but at the same time helpless because I didn't have enough money and I couldn't do anything about it. My dream scenario would be for my girlfriend to pretend to forget, so I could make it up to her somehow, and I would try my best to make her happy in another non-monetary way.

If you put yourself in another person's perspective, you will know how you can treat them the best way possible.

What if you don't want to treat them well? What if you feel it's not "in you" to be generous?

You have to take apart the beliefs that support that kind of action. It has to do with

1. Who you are

You might have a problem being generous if you were told that we are a thrifty family or you are an Ilocano, and Ilocanos are not generous. It might be that your family member told you that you're not "the type" to do good for others, and now you have let that one statement define you. You actually believe it!

The solution would be to see who you are in the context of God. You are a child of God. This whole world is your father's. So what is giving but just passing something from one hand to another.

2. What your relationship is with others?

Some people grow up being nice only to a certain kind of people. "Us muslims only" or people from our village, or people who are a certain age. There is every excuse to separate yourself from someone else. We are all different in a way because no two people are completely alike, not even twins!

So we must position ourselves realistically. The person beside you, your classmate, your school janitor, an African, the military head, the bumbay and our annoyingly noisy neighbor- we are all in one group. We are all children of God. When you break down barriers to closeness, you say, "hindi tayo iba." We want everyone to feel united, and thus, it is easier for us to give generously to each other. That is why we call each other kapatid, kapamilya. the Ka- symbolizes us sharing a commonality. We are all connected and united as children of God.

It's easier to give to someone you feel united with because there is no loss. There is only energy in motion. You feel like you are just giving to your own. The thing is, each person is your own.

3. Defining generosity

You have to check your beliefs on generosity. Do you feel that when you are generous, you are decreasing your own wealth? Or do you feel that giving allows you to be "rich in spirit"? If we believe that generosity is only for the rich, and we don't think of ourselves as rich, then deep inside, we won't be in a position to be generous.

In the same light, we also have to be in a correct mindset to forgive.

Who am I? I am a child of God. I am loved fully by my father. I was sinful, and even if I have done bad things, Jesus came to bear my burdens, and God accepted and loved me as if I were perfectly good. Because of this, I also have a great capacity to forgive.

What is my relationship with others? Whoever that is, be it my annoying sister, a rebel muslim or a dirty politician, he or she is my whole brother in God's family. Therefore, we are all children of God. God loves them as much as He loves me, so I too, can love them. God loves me, so I too can love them.

How do I define forgiveness? Forgiveness is a form of love. It is loving that is not deserved. I could easily say no, I don't want to forgive, but that would mean I am refusing to love my brothers. Instead, I am choosing to love them before they have done anything to deserve my love.

Whoever has hurt you is probably doing it because he or she is also hurt, and by forgiving them, you powerfully show what God's love is all about. You become God's love for them.

It is not an easy feeling to forgive. First, it can be just a choice to accept that whatever happened, did happen. Then, it can be a choice to accept that that person really did those things. Then it can be understanding the hurts and pains the other person is coming from for them to do such a thing. Then it is understanding that you too are capable of making mistakes, but as a great example, Jesus forgave us and sacrificed his life for us even when we didn't deserve it. In that perfect way, God is always ready to forgive you too. Then it is asking God for the power and the love to forgive someone. It is a willingness to allow God to love this other person through you, even if they do not at all deserve that love.

Life is not fair, but if you can powerfully forgive, you become an amazing example of love. You become an example that life can be good for someone who needs to be loved.

This holocaust survivor was able to forgive a german doctor. She had every reason to hate, every right to condemn, every excuse to hold on to a grudge, but instead, she freed herself of her pain by forgiving.

How much you can forgive is a testament to how much you can love. The more you can forgive, the more you become like God and Jesus, who unlike man, daily bears our burdens.

Joseph's brothers gave him to slavery. When their father died, they all bowed down to him fearing he would give retribution.

" 19 But Joseph replied, “Don’t be afraid of me. Am I God, that I can punish you? 20You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people. 21No, don’t be afraid. I will continue to take care of you and your children.” So he reassured them by speaking kindly to them. Genesis 50:19-21

As it is said in other verses, it is God who will be the one to punish any wrongdoing, not us. Here Joseph could have yielded his power, as well his brothers knew. Yet, he also knew that it is not his place to seek vengance. It is God's. This way, he became a symbol of great love and forgiveness for them, and for us now.

Choose to forgive somone today. Choose to love someone who doesn't deserve to be loved in the same way God chose to love us, when we were steeped in sin. Become God's love for someone today!

I'm serious. Go. Do it now. Write a letter. Do not rest until you have made peace with your brother. Go. Now. :)